fuck the shit i do. so much shit. i hate it. but i do it. believe me, i ask myself all the time why do it. i pray. i ask Him for help. i get angry. so angry at myself. to the point where i even think of hurting myself. i hate it. i hate this. and hate in me. and why can't get myself to fucking stop. fucking stop kan. stop. but no i don't. cos i'm an idiot and there's something wrong. i really think i'm crazy. of course none of you will probably believe me. but i really don't care. i don't care anymore. fuck it. at the moment i just feel like cursing the hell out of my life and the way i am. so fuck everyone and fuck everything. and fuck me. maybe i'll get over this. probably just another one of those things. or maybe it's not. who the hell knows. but for now, this is what it is. i'm giving up for the moment or not. whatever. whatever. and whatever.