A heart full of words left unspoken.

< i wish i could bubble wrap my heart. > just in case i fall and break apart. the world would be a lonely place without the one that puts a smile on your face. this is the last time i give up this heart of mine. for you. for anyone. okay. i'm probably lying on that last one. although i mean it. it just will not happen. i don't know who i am. sometimes. and sometimes i do. but i do know who you want me to be. and i can't even do that. i find joy in doing things for others. in sacrificing for others. sadly. unfortunately. unluckily. the things i try to do always backfires on me. so i'm left with having pleased no one. not even myself. can't get no love without sacrifice. eh. that's questionable. at least in my cases. i will love you. i will care for you. i will miss you. i will know you. probably more than anyone you'll ever meet in your life. but. you won't let me. or. you won't realize it. or. you just simply won't care. you will mean more than the world to me. even if you say you know just how much. you'll never know. because. that's how much the mean of it is. you will hurt me in ways that will break me. hurt me. kill me. destroy me. haunt me. but. i won't mind and i will never let you know. nor . will i hate you. even if i say or do anything of the sort. you'll think no one will ever understand you. but. i will. i just will not ever let you know. why. because. you won't agree. i will cry for you. i will hurt for you. again. probably more than anyone. and more than you'll ever know. i can never think with my heart. but i do anyway. you'll probably know my heart more than i know it myself. i'm strong at being weak. i'm weak at being strong. i will push you to your limit. why. because. i believe you are stronger than you think. i relate to songs and pithy quotes a lot. i'm actually good at surprises. at surprising. i rarely get surprises. but. i shouldn't complain. although it would be wonderful. i'm contingent with the weather. i countlessly contradict myself. my personality hinders my intelligence. i don't know what i'm doing most of the time. i wing a lot. i'm a winger. i don't know how i survive. it boggles my mind. friendship is not given nor sold. it is shared. nor is it a label. but a promise. i will hurt you. i am human. but. i do not mean to. it's just the backfire result of my attempt to sacrifice something for you. backfires are not strangers to me. my dad is. i am a mess. someday all this mess will make me laugh. i laugh with my heart. i feel a lot of chaos around me. i am one. get away from me. it's really best for you. this is the hardest story that i have ever told. this is the way you left me. i'm not pretending. no hope. no love. no glory. no happy ending. i feel as if i'm wasting. and i waste everyday. tears always stream down my face. i think it's called crying. i think it is crying. i will fight. but i probably will not win. in actuality, this is the story of my life. i wish i could bubble wrap a lot of things. but. kan. do not wish. do not start. wishing only wounds the heart. < when i sleep, i dream and it gets me by. />

proverbs 4:23