Ch ch ch changes.

There's been a whole lot of changes in my life. some good, some bad. of course. Then there's those that need changing. Whatevz the case, I need a whole nother change in my life. A HUGE one, preferably. I don't even think I care if it's gonna be good or bad or the worst. I just need something to get me out of this void I'm drowning in. One change that I've always been PINING for is to move. To get my ass the fuck outta here and finally be able to do something with my life. As much as I fancy New Jersey, I'd fancy even more getting the fuck out of here. Definitely somewhere that's hot or at least not too cold 24/7. Leave everything and start a new.

Anyway. So I'm 18 years old and should probably be doing something with my life before it's too late. Time don't stop for nobody, sure as hell won't stop for me. I've got all these big dreams, big hopes, big things and big aspirations for such a small bitch. I always get inspired by those quotes of following your dreams and on success and getting up just one more time than falling and blah blah blah.. POW. But sadly, the inspiration doesn't last too long, or more accurately, it's not enough to get my ass moving and MAKE SHIT HAPPEN. I'm definitely not gonna get anywhere staying here, loafing, wallowing and moping around. I need a new environment. A MOTHERFUCKING CHANGE like I've been saying.

But fret not kan, don't forget about the most important thing, God's two cents on this whole change and making dreams come true bit of yours. It's not about what you want, it's about what He wants. It's never about what you want. When you make plans, God laughs. Don't be a stupid fuck and start thinking you can do all this without Him in the picture. He is the big picture, the biggest in sheer fact.

So Lord I ask that you just guide me wherever you want me, help me to be accepting of whatever it may be and not be stubborn. You know I've had this dream of mine since God knows when, I mean you know when (hehe thought I'd insert a joke in there.. no?). With the risk of sounding too selfish, I pray that what I want for me is also what You want for me. and vice versa.

Another new year of getting older. I don't like to think about growing up but it's such an inevitable thing. Each day and with each event that happens in my life, gets much closer to me realizing I need to start being on my own more. I'm never gonna learn if I don't get out there and learn by myself. I honestly prefer to be alone. Alone but never lonely. fucking love that. Anyway with this whole bit of growing up and responsibilities and dreams and changes and moving and making shit happen, I wanna have it all and be on top of the motherfucking world. And then lose it all at rock bottom and tell great stories.


Quod me nutrit me destruit.
And in ruining my life, I'll be saving it. Ain't life grande.