Sanity.

I'm completely losing it. It won't be long until I just ultimately collapse and go into some kind of coma. Why the fuck does every new year always fucking start horribly? Seriously. I blame fucking january. I hate that goddamn month so passionately. But of course there are other shits to blame, of course I'll never tell though. Sigh. I just wanna beat the shit out of something or someone. Preferably the latter. And just have an all out Fight Club type shit. I think it'll help me, so much. In fact, I think that's exactly what I need. A good, satisfactory beating the shit out of each other, literally. Hooks, jabs, blows and whatever else. Shit, I wouldn't even mind hot oil water guns. Fuck yea, that'd be the shit.


sigh. ps. say a prayer because I'll finally be getting blood work soon. And no I"m not fucking out about evidence of drug use or some shit. But something even worse..

I seriously can't afford that. Lord, I know I'm all sorts of fucked up but don't give up on me now. Not yet. But not for my sake, oh goodness especially not for my sake.